Off the Needle.
When the thought of deleting an app triggers panic, that's not a habit anymore – that's the bell.
Bella decides fast – except for the decisions that ripen. Quitting smoking took half a year of inner ripening before it happened at all; a year later, it holds. This post catches the next one mid-ripening: leaving the scroll.
Two signals made the choice for her. Her body's – real panic from flipping reels, a racing heart she has learned to read. And the alarm bell: the mere thought of deleting the app triggered fear. Nobody fears deleting the weather app. Surrender & Decision describes choices like this one – conscious, felt, free – and hers comes with the most honest of reasons: she's about to become an example to someone, and wants to show a world that is real, alive, and warm, not just say it.
She's clear it won't be easy, and doesn't pretend otherwise. That's what makes the last line trustworthy: it's already a way to freedom.
🌸 The forbidden-gram.
I've always made decisions quickly. But sometimes one of them ripens inside for a long time. As if the soul is tuning itself, gathering weight…
That's how it was with smoking – the idea of quitting ripened for half a year. And now it's been a year since I smoked.
And now I feel a new decision has been ripening in me.
The forbidden-gram.
I think all of us, opening it, have started the comparison at least once:
I'm not that thin, not that smart, not that rich, the chest isn't right, no success, too few likes…
And I began to notice that just from flipping through reels I get real panic – my heart pounds, anxiety rises.
Recently I listened to the comedian Sergey Orlov – he said an important thing: because of short reels and the constant switching of content, children (and not only children) are developing ADHD more and more often. I've had it since childhood. And now I feel it sharpening again.
I won't even start on the million pieces of “advice”: how to eat, how to train your glutes, how to get rich in 5 steps. Half of these “experts” are self-taught, doing more harm than good.
But behind that pretty storefront stands an enormous machine – psychologists, behavioral specialists, UX designers. They know exactly how to hook you. How to make you stay. How to keep us on this needle.
And I'm about to become a mom.
I'll become an example.
I don't want to sit in the forbidden-gram while telling my daughter it's bad.
I want to show her.
Show her that the world beyond the screen is real, alive, warm.
You know what the last straw was?
The mere thought of deleting the app triggered panic.
Withdrawal.
Fear.
And yet I'm not afraid to delete my mail or, say, the weather app. But this – fear.
And that's a bell. A loud one.
So I made the decision: to get off this needle.
It won't be easy. I'll find myself temporary substitutes, of course. But they won't be as toxic.
And that is already a way to freedom.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan