Boundaries.
When you cannot say no, it is rarely about the other person – underneath sits fear, and fear can be met.
The question behind this letter was practical: how do I set boundaries at work? I know the mechanics of the problem well – the yes that is out of my mouth before I've checked whether it's true, and the resentment that files in later, on schedule.
The letter goes under the mechanics. Boundaries, it says, are at bottom a matter of fear – of rejection, of conflict, of giving offense – and the way through is not a better script but a different relationship with that fear: let it exist, permeate it with love, and it stops dictating. "Surrender & Decision" holds the same line from the article side: setting boundaries when something doesn't feel right, because letting go doesn't mean abandoning yourself.
What remains is a compass already familiar from these letters, now pointed at other people: what feels good and light is right – and what feels heavy is a chance to choose anew.
Dear traveler,
Every being, every person around you has their own unique, wonderful reality. They move within it, giving and taking in interaction with their surroundings. The responsibility for the balance in your giving and taking is yours. Setting boundaries is, at bottom, a matter of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of conflict. Fear of giving offense. And this fear has the potential to tear you apart. You know this from before. You have lived it. And you carry scars from it.
We want to tell you that we are with you. That we support you and will always help you. As long as you hear us and keep coming back to us. Surrender. Follow your inner voice. That is how you can receive this help and take it in. We are there even when you don't listen to us. And your suffering will lead you back to us. Have you not suffered enough? Enough scars? Yes, you have. And you have learned to accept fear, to feel it. To give it a right to exist, and to permeate it with love so completely that it can simply be there without dictating your actions.
And so you can set boundaries, and move freely. Trusting that what feels good, what feels light, is right. And that what feels heavy is a chance to choose anew. Follow this call. With surrender, free of fear.
Thank you for being here.
If something in these letters stayed with you, take it along – think about it, write your own answer, or just let it sit.
And if not today, that's okay too. There's no rush.
Until next time,
– Jan