From Anxiety to Silence.
Silence used to be the scariest part of her day – the way back to it went through her own worth.
There's a detail in this post that says more than any diagnosis: for years, Bella was afraid of silence. Not of anything in it – of the silence itself. She fell asleep at 3am with pills and a series running, because night with nothing on was unbearable.
What changed wasn't luck. It was slow, deep, sometimes painful work on herself – learning her own worth until the people who treated her as nothing no longer had a seat at the table. Being Whole leads into exactly that room: a guided way into your own silence, where fear dissolves by being felt rather than drowned out. Help exists – but only if you let it in.
She falls asleep at ten now. The post is the road between those two bedtimes.
🌙 From anxiety to silence
Recently I was feeling a bit nauseous – it happens in pregnancy.
My husband came over, passed his hand over my belly as if “gathering up” the bad feeling, and blew it out the window.
It was so sweet, so kind, that I cried from tenderness – from such love, such care.
And I suddenly remembered another period of my life…
From about 19 to 27 I had men who cheated, ignored me,
disappeared, blocked me – and, in essence, treated me as nothing.
So many tears,
so many times a broken heart…
But back then I didn't know myself either.
Didn't respect myself. Didn't value myself.
And I allowed myself to be treated that way.
It got to the point where I became afraid of silence. Sleeping in silence was the scariest thing of all. I fell asleep to TV shows, with pills,
only when I completely blacked out.
Night was the most frightening part of the day.
And then Mari appeared. My mentor. And everything began to change.
I began to feel who I am.
Began to respect myself. To protect myself.
And soon – I met my husband.
By then I was standing on my own feet,
still unsteadily, but I knew my worth. And we went on – together now. Into the way of inner growth,
the way of silence, love, and real closeness.
Recently we remembered
how I used to fall asleep at 3am, with pills and a TV show.
And now – I fall asleep at ten.
Calm. In silence. In harmony.
And yes, my husband played a big part in that. But so did the work on myself.
Slow, deep, at times painful. But so important.
Not everyone believes in psychologists; not everyone is ready for mentors.
Ego and fear often bar the way inward. But if you give yourself a chance,
take a step toward yourself,
start clearing out what's inside…
Life can change.
Softly. Deeply. Magically.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan