They Whisper Now.
Fears can't be gotten rid of – but they can be stripped of their power, until they whisper instead of shout.
Bella calls herself a neurotic and doesn't dress it up: panic attacks, then anxieties, and a state that spills over into control and a little perfectionism. Then she flips through the workbook she has kept for a year and a half – every fear that once devoured her, page after page. The proposal, the visa, the wedding. Not one of them came true.
What she found is the mechanism this site keeps circling: fear cannot be gotten rid of, but it can be stripped of its power. When Fear Returns exists exactly for that moment – trace the fear back to its root and find your way back to the lightness of your inner voice. Her version of the root is the same one: when she goes from the heart, on her own way, things fall into place; when ego and brain take over, the difficulties begin. And the same uncertain future that floods her with panic can be met with curiosity – one reality, opposite feelings.
It ends with the sentence that made me keep this post: the fears still come back, but they whisper now, they don't shout. That is not a cure. It's better – it's practice.
🌸 Fears
I'm a terrible neurotic. I don't know whether I was born this way or acquired it over the years, but it's a fact: I'm a genuine neurotic. I used to have severe panic attacks (thank God, we sorted those out), then came the anxieties. Easier than the panics, but also a “pleasure” well below average. And, of course, fears. All this neurotic state spills over into control and a little perfectionism.
I worked a lot with a psychologist to take my anxieties and fears apart. It turned out: getting rid of them completely is impossible. They're like herpes – once they've shown up, they're with you forever 😁 But you can take away their strength, strip them of their power.
That's exactly what I've been doing this past year – trying to strip my fears of their power, avada kedavra, so to speak ⚡
Probably everyone who has ever dealt with anxiety has heard the phrase: “99% of our fears never come true.” For half my life that sounded like mockery, not reality.
But recently I noticed something important. For the past year and a half I've been deep in spiritual practice, keeping a “workbook” where I wrote down my questions, fears, worries. And when I leafed through it, I saw how much used to torment me: does my man love me? will there be a proposal? will the wedding happen? will they give us the visa? will our marriage be recognized in Switzerland? will the translator show up at the wedding?
Back then those fears were eating me alive – and not one of them came true 🤷🏽♀️
And I understood: when I go from the heart and live by my own way, everything falls into place the way it should. When the ego and the brain switch on – that's when the difficulties start.
My husband and I were recently discussing: will we extend the visa for Russia, will the move work out, will the plans come together? For me it's instantly “what if not?!”, panic, feeling sick. And he looks at the same situation with curiosity and interest. One and the same reality – opposite feelings.
And here's the second phrase that used to drive me mad: “be in the now.”
Only recently did I truly feel it. I let go. I stopped thinking about what happens tomorrow, which country we'll live in, how it will all turn out. And for the first time in my life I feel this calm.
Of course, I'm not a robot and not a sorceress, and the fears sometimes come back. But they're not as strong and commanding anymore – they whisper, they don't shout.
And for me that is a huge personal achievement. Even though not long ago I thought it was impossible.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan