I Surrender.
Chasing the apartment drained her to nothing; she handed it over – and the answer came the next day.
Surrender is an uncomfortable word – it sounds like defeat, like admitting you've lost. Bella starts exactly there: sometimes giving over feels impossible, because it would mean weakness, the end of the road, letting go of the wheel.
Then she tells the apartment story, and it lands where Examples of Letting Go or Choosing lives: the choice stays – she knew she wanted exactly that apartment – and what gets released is the fighting, the chasing, the how. “If we're meant to have it, let it come; if not, give us one no worse” is the whole movement in one breath. That the answer came the next day is her story, not a promise; the release would have been worth it either way.
Her psychologist gave her the compact version: control what you can, allow the rest. The long version is below.
I surrender!
Sometimes it's impossible to surrender. Impossible for different reasons: admitting weakness, the end of the road, the desire to control everything, and fear.
And here I'd like to split this post into two parts.
Part 1. With my wonderful Maria (my psychologist) we were unpacking the desire to control everything. And she told me a wonderful phrase: control what you can. And what you can't – allow it to happen. Don't waste energy “for nothing”.
Part 2. Sometimes you need something – a document, an interview, a meeting and so on. And you try every way to get it, and it just won't come. And you keep beating your head against the wall, when sometimes you simply need to wait.
And here we'll join both parts on my example: we wanted to rent an apartment, and at first everything seemed to go well – they showed it to us, the contract process had even started, when suddenly, silence. And that's when I activated. Every day I asked my husband whether they'd answered us, suggested options for what to write to them and how, started looking for backup options, although in my soul I knew I wanted exactly this apartment. I was wasting so much energy that in the moment it felt like I was losing my marbles🤭 And, drained, I lay on the bed and thought: Universe, I surrender. I've done everything for this apartment, I want it very much, but this is where my strength ends. If we're meant to rent it – let it come to us; if not – give us an option no worse.
And exactly the next day they answered us, and the apartment is ours!
Sometimes surrendering is not about weakness but about strength. And again I remind you – don't be afraid to ask the Universe. Better to ask for an option that's easier, more convenient, more comfortable, and so on. And yes, for me it's the Universe; for you maybe God, Force, Energy – it's all one whole, everyone just calls it differently. But the meaning doesn't change.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan