Blog Overview
Care of Souls

Just Exhale.

When everything that felt safe falls away at once, and what's left turns out to be enough.

“Just exhale. Stop. Enjoy the pregnancy.” Easy to say – and it asks a lot. Bella heard that sentence a month after her beloved job ended, just after she learned she was pregnant: no income, no plan, and a wave of fear rolling in.

What she walks through here is the spiral from Fear and Control: we search for safety outside – in work, income, recognition – and the moment the outside falls away, fear grabs the wheel. Her way out isn't a plan B. She lets the ground be gone and finds she is standing anyway: my support is me, my safety is me too.

This was one of the first posts on her channel. Let her tell it.

🌸Hitting rock bottom.
It's not always about pain. Sometimes – it's a chance to meet yourself.

All our lives we look for a feeling of security.
In work. In income. In recognition. In people.
But real security isn't outside. It's within.

A month ago I had a job I loved, career growth, stability.
I found out I was pregnant.
And now – no job, no benefits, no idea what comes next.

And then a wave of fears rolled over me.
I felt abandoned, unprotected, lost.
I threw myself into job hunting right away – though who hires someone headed for maternity leave? And I can't lie.

My husband said: “Just exhale. Stop. Enjoy the pregnancy.”
But inside, a voice kept repeating:
If I'm not working – I'm going backwards.
If I have no income – I'm in danger.

Even though I have a home.
There is food.
There is a husband by my side.
There is a life inside me.

And I began to understand:
My support is me.
My safety is me, too.
I'm allowed to let myself be. Simply be.
Not to blame myself for “doing nothing.”
But to trust.

I believe: work, money, fulfillment – they will come.
When I'm ready. Maybe during the pregnancy. Maybe later.

For now, my lesson is to trust.
Myself. The world. The universe.

Translated from Russian
by Bella

Thank you for reading.

If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.

– Jan

Where this comes from:

The original post
This post on Telegram, as Bella published it – in Russian.
С нежностью к себе
Bella's channel on Telegram – all of her posts, in Russian.

Read more

Fear and Control
When fear takes over, we grab for control. But control is an illusion – and there is a way out of the vicious circle.

Post by post:

Make a Wish
The next post

If you're new here: these posts come from Bella's Telegram channel «С нежностью к себе». What this blog is, and why – read more here.

Care of Souls
Bella walks the same way in a completely different voice – diary-honest, from the middle of life. Selected posts from her Telegram channel, translated from Russian.