An Education in Living.
Nobody teaches us to be – the missing lessons come later, and it's never too late to take them.
We get eighteen years of lessons in everything except being a person. Bella's list of what school never covered lands hard because it's so concrete: that your boundaries are sacred, that “no” is a complete answer, that caring for yourself is a duty, not a whim.
Two things keep this post from turning into a complaint. She blames no one – her parents' generation gave what it could. And she doesn't wait to be rescued: The Healer tells of the same discovery, that healing is nothing anyone can do to you. It starts, as her mentor promised, with changing yourself – and watching the circle change around you.
Five or six years into those catch-up lessons, she reports back. The homework is worth it.
🌸 An education in living
Today I want to talk about education. But not about schools and universities. About an education in living. About personal growth. About growing up on the inside.
From the moment we're born we're taught:
to speak, to walk, to write, to count,
we learn languages, sciences, geography, history…
But nobody teaches us to be
We aren't taught:
• That you don't need to show your bum.
• That what's in your underwear is your business alone.
• That loving yourself is not egoism.
• That your boundaries are sacred.
• That periods can and should be talked about without shame.
• That “no” is a complete answer.
• That sex is not only about “satisfying the man” –
it's also about enjoying it yourself.
• That pleasing everyone around is harmful to yourself.
• That taking care of yourself is a duty to yourself, not a whim.
If your parents gave you all of this – you're very lucky.
But most of us – especially the generation of the 90s – didn't get it. And I don't blame anyone.
Our parents grew up in harsh conditions too. And they gave everything they could.
The past can't be changed. And it doesn't need to be.
All our wounds, all the missing lessons – they are our path to wisdom, to strength, to our real self.
But we can change the future.
We can start with ourselves.
With our family.
With our child.
With our “no” where fear used to be.
Once, my psychiatrist and my mentor used to tell me:
“Change yourself – and your surroundings will change. Even your family.”
Back then I didn't believe it.
But now, 5–6 years later,
I see how my family has changed, my circle, my life.
And above all – I have.
It's never too late to start.
The main thing is to push through the fear.
The fear of seeing the pain.
The fear of looking inside.
But if you dare –
life may turn out completely different. And surprise you kindly.🤗
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan