Allow Yourself Everything.
Run into the water however you like – nobody is watching, and the one who is will have forgotten it in five minutes.
Bella files this one from the beach, wet and out of breath: running into the water like a child, legs everywhere, laughing loud enough to be heard. Around her, people sitting "prettily" on their loungers and walking into the sea "prettily". Her word for the difference is permission.
The Blind Spot describes how early we learn which parts of ourselves are welcome and which are not – some aspects of us earn love, others seem to threaten it – and how much of a life goes into keeping the unwelcome parts out of sight. A beach makes that sorting visible: the make-up nobody needs, the composed entrance into the water, the laugh held back. Bella's answer is the one the article ends on, too. Not toleration but a right to exist – for the loud laugh, the fall, the legs in the air, the whole of you.
And her last turn is the one to keep: nobody is watching, and the few who are will forget in five minutes. What you think they think of you, you are thinking yourself.
The vacation has inspired me on all sorts of topics.
Let's start with the most pressing one – permission. Yesterday I was running into the water like a child, falling, getting up, legs everywhere, laughing out loud and feeling so happy. And I say to my husband: what a joy it is to allow yourself everything. I want to run – I run, I want to laugh – I laugh, I swim, I splash, I dress how I like, I do my make-up, I live. Whereas so many people sit "prettily" on the sun lounger, walk into the water "prettily", some even come to the beach in make-up🤷🏽♀️ Everyone so badly wants to seem, rather than be. To look a certain way so they "approve", to behave as befits – though honestly it's unclear what that is, befits, and what kind of word that even is 😂😂
The truth is, nobody around you cares one bit how you look or what you're doing. 90% won't even notice you. And the remaining 10% will notice, maybe judge you or, on the contrary, smile with a bit of envy at that kind of freedom, but 5 minutes later they'll forget anyway.
Who are we keeping ourselves in line for? What is it like to live denying yourself everything, afraid they'll judge, afraid they'll look at you the wrong way? To live YOUR life through other people's eyes, other people's thoughts – but they're your thoughts. Other people don't care. What you think they think of you – you're thinking it yourself. Other people don't care🤭
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan