My Motherhood.
A child will hardly remember who changed her diapers – she'll remember being heard and loved. Motherhood, defined not by chores but by presence.
Bella opens with a question that sounds simple: what is motherhood? Diapers, feeding, sleepless nights – the list anyone would give. Her answer moves somewhere else entirely: her daughter will hardly remember any of that. What stays is the conversations, the hugs, the feeling of being heard and loved. Motherhood, for her, is presence – really being with her child, not just around her.
Two things in this post are this site in miniature. She refuses to judge anyone else's way of doing it – every form of motherhood has a right to exist, she writes, and that is exactly what this way claims about everything: nothing needs fixing; what is gets to be. And when the doubt arrives – tired, in tears, wondering if she's simply no good at being a mom – it isn't answered by a better routine. It's answered by a look: eye to eye, and between them rises a force neither of them makes alone. Being Whole practices exactly that movement – from thinking to feeling, from separation to connection.
The rest belongs to her: the first smile, the first little sounds that aren't even “goo” yet – and an answer she didn't look up but lived.
🌸 Motherhood
What is motherhood? Changing diapers? Breastfeeding? Not sleeping at night?
The little one will hardly remember who changed her diapers and washed her bottom. What she'll remember is the conversations, the hugs, the feeling of being heard and loved.
Many people wonder: why have children at all if a nanny spends all the time with them? I'm not judging anyone and I'm not pushing advice – everyone chooses their own “motherhood”, and every form of it has a right to exist.
So what is motherhood for me?
It's work.
Not getting angry at her crying, as if she were doing it on purpose.
Trying to hear and understand what she's “saying” with her tears.
Noticing her gestures and understanding what she wants and what she feels.
Not sitting on my phone while she lies next to me, but truly being with her.
And yes, even with a month-old baby there are plenty of interesting things to do together.
Feeling for her when she's in pain.
Laughing when something's funny.
And the best part – watching her grow and learn something new every day.
Recently she started smiling. Never in my life have I been so happy about a smile.
And today, for the first time, she lay there “talking” to herself. It's not even “goo” yet – just sweet new sounds. And my heart melts.
I'm grateful to fate that I'm not working right now and can spend this time with my daughter.
Yes, I get tired. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes it seems to me that I'm a no-good mother, or that I'm just not ready to be a mom.
But then I look at her, I smile at her, we look into each other's eyes – and an incredible force rises between us. A force she gives me.
That is my motherhood.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan