Let's Be Friends.
A stranger at the lake, one light conversation, numbers swapped – and the armor adults wear against new people turns out to be optional.
Adults don't lose the ability to make friends; they bury it under protection. Bella names the mechanism in one line: taught by bitter experience, we look for the catch. And the armor that keeps disappointment out keeps the woman at the lake out too.
Then a move strips the armor. In a new country there is no old circle to hide inside – a new place where there's only you – and the childhood skill comes straight back: a light conversation, numbers swapped, a library full of singing kids. Fear and Control walks the same trade from the other side: what the guarding costs, and what walks in the moment it drops.
She ends with a wish that reads like an invitation: how good it would be if people weren't afraid of meeting each other. Not a technique – just the catch-seeking, set down.
Let's be friends?
Where do you know your friends from? Most likely the bigger part is from childhood/school/uni. Then, maybe, work/hobbies. And not everyone has many friends – or any at all.
I think you've noticed how easily children find friends, while we adults have to make an effort. Taught by bitter experience, we don't like opening up to strangers – and all the more, when someone actually wants to be friends with us, we immediately look for the catch.
But everything changes when you move to another country. A new place where there's only you. And it's as if that brings people together.
Yesterday Sara and I were swimming at the lake; a woman with two daughters came up to us, a light conversation, and we'd already swapped numbers, and she invited me to an event at the local library. The kids sing and read books there, and the mums meet and chat.
First of all, it was good for Sara to see other people besides mum and dad. For me, a sociable person, it's a lifeline. Now I have girls I can go for a walk with in our neighbourhood, ask for advice, and feel like a small – but real – part of Swiss life) Yes, with kids it's much easier to find friends, but even the loners here find their circle through the chats. Moving abroad brings people together, 100%.
How good it would be if people weren't afraid of meeting each other – because how great it is to find new friends 🩵
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan