Thanks, We'll Manage.
A child needs a clean diaper, food, and love – the cage is something parents build themselves.
Bella is about to become a mom, and the advice has already started arriving – posts, stories, other people's experience, everyone certain about the right way. Her preparation isn't a stroller brand. It's one sentence, ready for use: thank you, we'll manage.
The heart of the post is the cage. The world seems to hold a rule that once a child is born, life is over – and Bella watches parents lock that cage themselves, out of fear: never leave the baby, never rest, never hand anything over. Fear and Control names the mechanism – you never had control; all you had was anxiety – and her way out is the same one: let go of the “right way”, hold the boundary politely and firmly, and trust your own. A mother who sleeps, breathes, and loves this world gives her child more than one who burns herself out proving devotion.
None of it is theory – it's a diaper, food, love, and a grandmother nearby. A boundary drawn in advance, with a smile. Let her draw it.
🌸 Boundaries
Very soon our little daughter will join our family.
I read posts and stories, I watch other people's experience – and all of it makes me think and prepare.
The first thing I told my husband:
“Once our daughter is here, we'll be defending our boundaries 24/7.”
Because there will be far too many advisers on “how to do it right” 🤭 And we'll have to learn to answer politely but firmly: “Thank you, we'll manage.”
And I've noticed one more thing. The world seems to hold a “rule”: that once a child is born, life is over. That what comes next is only a cage.
My husband and I discuss this often. And I understand more and more: it all depends on the parents.
Very many parents put themselves in the cage.
They're afraid to leave the child with grandma, or even with the husband. They think they have to be with the baby 24/7.
And God forbid a mom trusts the child to its dad – the “cuckoo” label lands instantly.
But the truth is, a child needs very little:
a clean diaper, food, and love.
And it's far better if the one nearby is a mom who sleeps, breathes, smiles, and loves this world – than one who never rests, wears herself out, and slowly burns out.
And recently I heard a very right phrase:
dad is not mom's helper. He is just as much a full parent.
So why can a child be left with mom without any questions, but with dad – suddenly it's a problem?
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan