Happy Out Loud.
Why do we share sadness so easily – and joy with so much fear?
Bella found out she was pregnant and wanted to tell the whole world – and immediately met the rule: not yet. Wait three months. Don't tempt fate. Her mother's generation would wait until the birth.
Under the custom she finds three fears doing the actual work: fear of the evil eye, fear of judgment, fear that joy will have to be paid for with pain. Fear and Control names that mechanism precisely – expectation of loss grabbing the wheel long before anything is lost. And the DNA of this whole site pushes the other way: what fills you wants to be shared, and when it stays hidden, fear is usually holding it.
Her list of what her husband does when the hormones storm is the happiest passage on this blog. She shared it anyway. That's the point.
☀️ Share your smile…
When I found out I was pregnant,
I wanted to tell the whole world.
Since childhood I have adored children.
At one point I even dreamed of becoming a nanny – though later I changed my mind. But I always knew that one day I'd be a mom.
I didn't think it would happen at 33,
or rather almost at 34…
but still – it happened.
And I wanted to share this happiness. But you're not allowed to.
Why – I didn't understand right away.
Turns out you have to wait three months to make sure everything is fine.
And only then may you tell people “officially.”
But I wouldn't be me
if I hadn't told my girls almost immediately.
And a little later, once the first trimester ended – everyone.
For my mom this was strange. She's from another generation.
For her, telling people about a pregnancy before the birth is almost against the rules of life.
And that's when I started wondering:
why do we share sadness so easily, and joy with such difficulty?
In our culture, sharing the good isn't done.
We fear the evil eye.
We fear disapproval.
We fear that after joy, pain is sure to follow.
As I wrote in one of my earlier posts – all through my youth there were men beside me who didn't love me, didn't respect me. And I didn't much value myself either.
But then – my person came.
When the hormones are storming – he suggests food, or flying off on a vacation.
When I'm nauseous – he brings tea, tucks me under a blanket.
When the toxicosis was bad – he cooked, cleaned, fed the cat.
He is care, support, solid ground.
My husband. My partner. My love.
And what – I'm not allowed to share that either?
Because someone will judge.
Because someone envies.
Because you can't be happy out loud?
Why are we afraid to share the good?
Why don't we know how to be glad for others?
And what if we learned?
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan