Back to Myself.
A foggy month, a grotto, a chart, and tears – the moment she stopped prosecuting her joy in helping and came home.
For a month the signal wouldn't resolve: ideas circling, the same words repeating – spiritual work, helping people – and no way to read them. Then a visit to the Emma Kunz grotto, and the fog lifts. Whether the place did it or a readiness that was finally ripe – she doesn't insist, and neither do we. What matters is what she heard, and what happened next.
The strongest passage isn't the calling; it's the honesty about the joy. She loves helping people, but she kept putting that love on trial: maybe it's the EGO rejoicing, maybe I put myself above others – so she forbade herself the gladness. Testing a desire for ego is exactly right; what she discovered is that the permanent verdict was the impostor. The prohibition, not the joy, was the old belief. And when that fell, the sentence that names this whole site happened to her in real time, with tears: I returned to myself. Surfing the Ocean of Truth calls it recognizing your current – this post is what it feels like from inside.
The rest, she says, is for another post. Knowing her, it will come.
I brought myself back.
I did some very powerful spiritual work today. I think after visiting the Emma Kunz grotto the process got moving. The place filled me with energy.
This last month different ideas were floating around me, some thoughts, but it was all a little foggy and I couldn't understand where I was being led. The same things kept coming up: spiritual work, helping people and so on. Though I'm not a healer, not a shaman, a doctor or a psychologist. And sometimes, when I was doing something, I would see it as if from the outside – as if a camera were set up there; I could see how I would edit the footage and what I would say.
But I couldn't work out what it meant.
And there, in the Emma Kunz grotto, I heard the answer. My purpose is to bring as many people as possible to spirituality.
And then I explored my path through my natal chart.
“Spirituality is your thing, and that's no accident. The Moon's nakshatra Shatabhisha is the nakshatra of one who sees the hidden and knows how to heal through understanding. Not through diplomas and certificates – through the depth of personal experience and the ability to see in another person what they don't see themselves.”
And for the first time I decided to dig very deep. I admitted that I really love helping people, and afterwards I'm always very glad – but then it seems to me that it's my EGO rejoicing, that I'm putting myself above others, and I forbade myself the joy. I was afraid I was a master of “unsolicited advice”. It turned out these are old beliefs that it's high time to let go of. And then I heard words like these:
You're so comfortable and warm to be around
I would call you my spiritual sister
People come to you – and you just understand
And so I'm going through my chart, and suddenly I start crying. It's as if I see myself in front of me, my soul – and I feel I've returned to myself, found myself. A connection formed. I have never felt sensations and emotions like these. I am definitely on the truest path.
There were many more moments, but I'll tell you about them in another post.
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan