A Little Spark.
Her weight went from 50 to 82 to 66, her wardrobe kept changing – and in it she found two people and made room for both.
Bella's weight has gone from 50 to 82 to 66 in a few years, so she has bought more wardrobes than most of us. Scrolling the style feeds one day, she asks the question they never answer: what is my style, actually? The answer she finds in her own closet is two. Rhinestones on the face, loud eyeshadow, bags nobody understands – and next to them plain jeans, a white T-shirt, a comfortable tracksuit to hide in.
She names it lightly, as a split personality, but what she describes is a rhythm. One part of her is on the wave: writing, making, wanting to be seen. The other is the stillness between waves, when she does nothing and dresses to disappear. Surfing the Ocean of Truth says the same about creating: a wave carries you, then it returns to the ocean and merges with the stillness of the whole – and both belong to the ride. Wanting to hide for a while is not the absence of style. It is the other half of it.
Her closing is the whole point: accept yourself. When it feels like you have "no style" and "no spark", look closer. Everyone carries a small spark that is nobody else's.
Because my weight has gone from 50 to 82 and back to 66 over the last few years, I'm changing my wardrobe more often than ever. And right now, scrolling the banned social network, all you see is: style, how to style this, and so on. Everyone's all fashion-profashion. And it got me thinking: what is my style, actually?
Turns out my wardrobe has a bit of a bipolar thing going on. May everyone with that diagnosis forgive me. But I really do have a split personality. I love bright things, unusual ones, sticking rhinestones on my face, weird bright eyeshadow, bags nobody understands, and so on. But at the same time I love basic jeans with a white T-shirt and a blazer, a calm tracksuit, and so on. Surprisingly, there are two personalities in me: one is on the wave, creating, coming up with things, loving bright colors and standing out – and then there's the wave of stillness, when I don't write, don't make anything, put on whatever is comfortable and, most importantly, whatever lets me "hide".
So that's how I found out, by accident, that I have a double style. The main thing is that I can combine it all and choose to suit my mood.
How important it is – to accept yourself. Sometimes, when it feels like we have "no style" or "no spark", it's worth looking closely, studying yourself, and you'll find something of your own, something unique. We all seem alike, but each of us has our own little spark that sets us apart )
Thank you for reading.
If her words reached somewhere mine don't – good. That's what this blog is for. Take what fits and leave the rest.
– Jan